Friday, 2 September 2011

Friday, 8 July 2011

Bittersweet

As soon as one challenge ended little did I know that such a victory would pave a path straight to the next obstacle.

Bittersweet as it seemed, I found myself at the foot of a mountain.
The days i spent preparing myself for such a situation will now prove useful.
Failure seems inevitable. Nonetheless, I'm learning from life as it goes on.
You win some, you lose some. You can't win at everything.

Despite the reality of life biting down on me, I choose to see the light upon the horizon.
A small spec in the distance. Growing bigger as I get closer and finally, dawn breaks the darkness.

Transitioning from a teen into adulthood, responsibilities lay strewn before me.
Spread out like spilt beads on the floor. I pick them up one by one.
Slowly but surely I'll collect them all.

After all, life's a lesson.
You learn it when you're through.

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

History of The Toilet Seat

Once accredited as the greatest invention ever invented by man, the toilet seat has gone a long way since it's early design.




An image depicting early medieval prison toilet seats.
Ouch, you say?










In the summer of 1505 a French inventor by the name of Claud Van Dam
was taking a (as you would say in French) "la sheet" atop a makeshift wooden outhouse constructed above a lake.

After a staggering two hours of what seemed to be endless constipation, Claud finally got out alive.
The endless battle in the outhouse resulted in numerous splinters poking into the flesh of Claud's tender "la bon bons".

Frustrated and in pain, Claud was set on a mission that would finally revolutionise as well as put a relief to his sessions of relief... after he got all the splinters out, of course.
Initially he opted for a flat base design. One which would provide comfort as well as support. to the base of a person's base. One which looked somewhat like this.

Sure it was far more comfortable that a splinter-faced toilet but what he didn't know was that the design had a major flaw. There was no opening for the ploppings to pass.
He only realised this one his first test run in which he described was "a rater warm yet squishy experience.". He then went on to coin the feeling as 'kinky', which, at that time was the first time a Frenchman actually used such a funky term. Merci!
So that design was scrapped.

Claud began work on his second design. This time he was more careful. He picked the finest quality wood there was on the market. Crafted and shaped it to become what we now know as the modern day toilet seat.
Looking at his second prototype, he though of it as rather dull looking. The French inventor decided to let his artistic flair run loose and he loved eating turkey so he carved the image of a turkey on the front cover. After all, it was the Renaissance period.



Feeling proud and well accomplished of his invention, Claud went onto the then popular stage show, France Sure Has Got Some Talented Shiz to display his invention. He would have had to provide a demo on how his invention worked by taking a 'la sheet' in front a the judges but details of such shocking events are to be kept from public eyes and ears.
"U la la!" Exclaimed the judges who were definately amused.

The crowd was awestruck because for them it was a moment of revelation.
Although it was an image of a turkey carved into the face of the toilet cover, nevertheless, the people nicknamed it 'cockboards' for ease of recognition.

The designs were sold for twelve pieces of silver - Which according to Judas was a handsome enough wage from the betrayal of Jesus - to craftsmen around the country to be mass produced.

News of the French allegedly taking a dump on their cocks reached the shores of America, Brazil and the rest of Europe. It was soon a Western trend for people to posses cockboards. Whereas the Asians didn't need any of such contraptions.
"Why use such an apparatus when we've got good aim?" Protested an Asian minister.

When cockboards finally went global, these devices were finally renamed to 'Toilet Seats' due to the ever perversified way of thinking of the modern day generation.

Friday, 18 March 2011

Fell Into Temptation With My Girl....

No, it's not what you think it is.
It's a song! Muahaha!



I've got sunshine
On a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside,
I've got the month of May.

Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

I've got so much honey
The bees envy me.
I've got a sweeter song
Than the birds in the trees.


Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

Ooooh, Hoooo.

Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.

I don't need no money,
Fortune or fame.
I've got all the riches, baby,
One man can claim.

Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

Talkin' bout my girl.
I've got sushine on cloudy day
With my girl.
I've even got the month of May
With my girl.

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Chic Flicks are like Milk

Sooner or later, they always become cheesy.

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Best Present Ever.


I actually do have a shirt like that.