Tuesday, 15 June 2010

The X-Factor

Hi, my name is... errr.. ISUREGOTXFACTOR and i will be your host for the evening. Ladies and gentlemen, you're watching (reading) the X-Factor.


The X-Factor is always sought after in a person - person relationship despite it's vagueness and somewhat alien presence be it a relationship between a boy - girl / girl - girl / boy - boy / girl - girl - boy / boy - boy - girl / girl - girl - cup / girl - boy - hammer.... dan sebagainya. It can be agreed that the sole reason why a person is constantly attracted to someone is indeed because of their X-Factor. Word.




What is the X-Factor?


Most of you must be wondering that. Many a times, the X-Factor remains conspicuous and constantly ambiguous as to what it really is. Rumour has it that it's just a talent show being aired on TV. You think? NOT!



Math Question, SPM 342 BC.


The X-Factor differs from person to person. Females (because of their genetic arrangement) have the factors XX. Whereas males (also, due to genetic arrangement) have the factors XY. Using both the statements above, find the common factor.


Answer: From the statements above we can now conclude that the common factor between males and females would obviously be X.
Hence, the X-Factor. Nuff said.

Blooming Trend?
Like it or not, availability of the X-Factor is quickly becoming a trend. Guys, girls, dogs and even middle aged men have somehow developed a liking for this gnarly factor.

Starting with Hollywood, celebrity statements like "Oh, yea we went through a divorce. He / She is now my eX.". (X-FACTOR!) Or movies rated XXX (X-FACTOR!) are coming about like bunnies giving birth.


How To Get The X-Factor.

Here's a handy guide add a little spice to your moves, playah.

For her.


1. Prepare.
As Sun Tzu said in The Art of War, a battle is decided before it is ever fought. Brush your hair; shave; wash; soap your body; apply shampoo and conditioner (lather, rinse, & repeat); brush, floss and suck on some breath mints; apply an expensive perfume; and dress according to the latest fashions. (Consult a women's magazine for guidance). See photo on the right : example of a well-prepared girl.



2. Camp and wait.

Being all dolled up it wouldn't be long till the first guy comes along ready to pick you up. Stand at a bar or somewhere dark. Yea, nice guys like dark places. The darker the place, the nicer the guy. useful tip: bring along a flashlight.

3. Be classy.
Take it slow with the conversations. Don't jump the gun. (You don't want to get shot.) Wink in between conversations. Do not over do it of you'll end up looking like a retarded chicken and guys don't like talking to chickens. Especially retarded chickens.

What to do when a guy approaches you
  • "Yo, homie waddup? How's it hangin' ma brotha from anotha' motha'?"
  • Walk to him and suddenly trip. When (or if) he catches you, say "I think i fell for you."
  • Start coughing aloud. When he comes over and asks if you're okay, stop and say "Gosh, I'm glad you're here. I was so sick of waiting for you."
  • Flash him. With your flashlight. (Read: 2. Camp and wait.)


For Him.


1. Prepare.
As Sun Tzu said in The Art of War, a battle is decided before it is ever fought. Brush your hair; shave; wash; soap your body; apply shampoo and conditioner (lather, rinse, & repeat); brush, floss and suck on some breath mints; apply an expensive cologne; and dress according to the latest fashions. Photo on the right shows a well-prepared guy.



2. Approach.

Find a girl. Use of hunting dogs to sniff one out may be necessary.

According to the rule, "You do not talk about Fight Club", approaching openly as if you have nothing to hide is out of the question. "Openers" and "Pick-up lines" are therefore necessary.


Example Openers

  • Stroll past the girl. There is an approximate 4x10-4% chance she may stop you and talk to you for some reason. You're in!
  • Cut your wrists and start dying. She might notice you, and possibly help you. This technique has the added benefit that if the girl chooses to help you, she's a nice girl AND you're in!
  • Mug her and steal her handbag. Girls like tough guys.
  • Did it hurt? - She: Did what hurt? - When you fell out of heaven?~

Side Effects to Pick-Up Lines May Include


  • Getting arrested
  • Getting slapped
  • Loss of your body parts
  • External bleeding
  • Internal bleeding
  • And many more!!!
And Remember
Attaining the X-Factor is always worth it.

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